On my Mind

Carmen,

Today, I 'm a class which is rather bad. So instead I think of you. You are my place of peace and at the same time torment. I miss you more than I know how to handle. I cannot believe it has been 18months, 2 weeks and 1 day since you were taken from me. I cannot believe I some how still "made" it this long. Not having you is the most difficult journey I have had thrust on me. I pour over pictures of you and long to touch you again. My baby girl. I miss those beautiful eyes, hair and smile. I beg to no one but the air that you come back. Please come back. I am incomplete without you. My only refuge is your brother. He is my anchor and does not realize it. I will not tell him because I do not want him to bear a burden no one should have to bear. Of feeling like he has to carry me emotionally for the rest of my life. Only you and I will know. There is so much you give me the strength to do. You and your brother have always given me the strength to go on and do more than I could have ever accomplished on my own. Now the "hope" that one day our Lord will allow me to see and hold you again. Your voice is music to me and now that music is gone. Please me dear come to me in my dreams and let me see you. I have work I still need to finish. I always seem behind now. At times I have no I idea where I put stuff. Stuff, I don't even care anymore - sometimes. I know I should not be feeling like that so I keep trying.
Carmen, please visit me tonight in my sleep. Be happy okay. I love you baby and miss you more than the air I breathe. love mom................

I will always love you

My daughter Carmen Leona Reese was murdered on 14 Oct 07 at 17 years of age. To me she is my little girl who was very hurt her parent's military deployments to Iraq when she was even younger. She did become rebellious as most teens do any way, but her friend told me she was talking about needing to be home again just before she was murdered. Sometimes she'd just take off and I would get so upset because I was concerned for her safety. Her dad and I buried her the day before her 18th birthday, her brother next to us. I wrote to her: 22 Oct 07 "Carmen, Tody was your funeral - No words can describe how much I'm lost with you being gone - Carmen I had so many hopes for you so many plans yet for your life. Time seemed to move so slow today as it neared for us to say our good byes How do I say good bye to you? I wanted you before you were born - Your dad and I drove the cemetary & the hearst was there - I could not think of you being in there - Not my Carmen. Then your dad gently guided me to your site - your brother next to me. I prayed & prayed it would all stop, it's still some how a mistake. but everything kept going on....my Carmen is gone. I'm left with only your memories now. I have a difficult time accepting; actually thinking you are truly gone - to act, talk, eat, go on like you are not gone, please Carmen, let it not be so...You are my life - I breathed for you - your voice strengthened me - I would have gone to the ends of the earth for you, but now I had to put you in the earth - Tomorrow, I will go back to leave you, your birthday card - remind you that I love you - your dad is sorry he cannot be here - his dad also passed away. But your brother and I will be there. We all love you and always will.....Love Mom"